very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
