Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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