The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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