I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
