Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
