My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
