my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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