I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
