your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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