my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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