i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
