Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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