About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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