is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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