We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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