there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
