I got chris browned last night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
