Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
