Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
