i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
