The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think your dad took our porno
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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