This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
