Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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