i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
