just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
