If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
