i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
