I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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