went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
