I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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