I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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