after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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