____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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