I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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