my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
