Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
