she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
