Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
