a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
