I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
