I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
