grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
