You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
