Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
