Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
