In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
