roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
