Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
