i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
