There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
